


Only You Know The Way That I Break

by thesunmetmoon



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:35:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22958794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesunmetmoon/pseuds/thesunmetmoon
Summary: Show, never tell. But I know you too well.—Xu Minghao put his mother and his family above all. Secondly, he put his members after his own family. That's where Kim Mingyu slipped in, to remind him that there's another thing he should put before everything else.
Relationships: Kim Mingyu/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Comments: 8
Kudos: 61





	Only You Know The Way That I Break

**Author's Note:**

> I'm So Tired by Lauv and Troye Sivan. Idon'twannabeyouanymore by Billie Eilish.
> 
> Hello and welcome to my new fic. I made this impromptu, like, hours ago? I just need to get this out of my head after I've seen that contemporary dance Minghao did. It was pretty...yet so lonely and sad and...stressful. It's been bothering me since he sang Lauv's in OTY concert. I picked this timeline of his birthday since the way Seungkwan kissed his cheek feels...odd. Like he's...afraid, worry. I don't know.
> 
> I don't want to overstep my boundary as a mere fan, but I do wish Minghao and his family is safe and well. That is all the reason of my concern. I'm sorry if this is lame or having so many mistakes. I just...I don't know. I know nothing. I can only wish them all happiness in this world! /sobs

* * *

_I'm so tired of love songs, tired of love songs._  
_Tired of love songs, tired of love._

_Just wanna go home, wanna go home._

_Wanna go home..._

* * *

Camera turned off. People were going out of his room, patting his shoulder, ruffling his hair, hugging him tight. Seungkwan had kissed him on his cheek, on a verge of tears, twice, on camera. The boy kissed him again for the third time before exiting with hesitation. Jisoo decided to be a dead starfish on his bed that he had to—laughing the frustration off—haul the older one up from his bed and threw him out to seek some serenity.

It was his birthday. Happy birthday, Xu Minghao.

He was exchanging text with his mother and his other family members when the boys burst in along with the camera. He put a decent smile, accepting their closeness.

The thirteen of them had this need to always touch or hug one another. _To make sure_. _To seek comfort_. _To be safe_. In this cruel and harsh entertainment world, the boys knew that they only had one another to rely upon. Not even the agency could be fully trusted. Not even their fans, because love and hate was a very thin line that could flip over easily with a little mistake. So, they drowned each other with touches and assurance. With kind words. With jokes. With love. Because, in reality, they only had themselves and their families.

And he missed them. His family. He missed his mother. He missed his home. He watched the members going back and forth to their homes. They took him and other foreign members with them too, sometimes, to lessen their burdens. Their families were also nothing but kind and treated him as if he's their own son. For that fact alone, he was glad and thankful.

He texted the last good night, the last take care, rest well, I love you, for the day, to his mother. Another reply of I love you ceased their conversation.

And then,

_nothing_.

He sprawled on the bed, alone, in a hotel room. And tomorrow he had a concert. A job to do. The song he had listened from airport to this hotel still got stuck in his head. A song about tiredness of love. A need to go home. A _desperation_. He wanted to go home. He missed his home. The home which he grew up. The scent of his room. The warm touch of his mother.

He loved his members, they're all his second home, the only thing that kept him going in this foreign country. But, this was not home. This hotel room. This emptiness. This....this... _golden cage_....

_This was never home._

A sudden knock. A voice was calling his name. He groaned, then got up from bed to open the lock. There stood Kim Mingyu, not with a silly grin he used to have nor with worry. He stood there with a soft smile. Minghao did not want to look at it right now. He turned around, back to his bed, letting Mingyu close the door. Then, the boy sat on the bed beside his lying torso. Minghao had his back towards Mingyu. They kept silent.

_In silence, lies truth and strength_ , the Latin proverb popped up in Minghao's mind, made him chuckle.

"Happy birthday," whispered Mingyu to the darkness.

The whole room only lit up by a small reading lamp. Minghao said nothing. Came then a soft shift on the bed. A soft kiss on his cheek. A soft hug from a big man on top of him. Kim Mingyu was a whole paradox.

"Hao," he tried again. "Happy birthday."

"Mm, thanks," he mumbled.

Now, they're hugging on the bed. He could hear the monotone heartbeat of Mingyu beside his ear.

"You're thinking about something," it was not a question, more like a statement. "Your brain doesn't stop working, I can hear it."

"I miss my home..."

With his members, never once he hid that fact. All of them knew how much he and Jun missed their homes. That's why they showered even more love to the foreign members. Truthfully, sometimes, they were _choking_ him with their love. Kim Mingyu said no more. He just lent his willing ears. There's literally nothing he could do anyway. He's the same as Minghao, an employee tied by contract with the agency, not in a position to have decisions made either. So, he just stroke the back of Minghao's head, comforting him.

"I'm sick of all this..."

A constant stroke.

"I'm tired, Gyu..."

Minghao curled up even more into Mingyu's embrace.

"I wanna go home....."

Mingyu sighed softly. Saying he could, would only be a lie. Saying he could not was even worse. Saying he should wait a little bit more would demeaning his patience and effort to suppress his loneliness all of these years. Wise men once said, silence was always gold. So he kept stroking again.

"Can I tell you one thing?" Minghao did not even move hearing his request. "To me, you're my home. Even above my own family."

Flinching, Minghao stared at him like he had just lost his mind. "No, you can't do that, Gyu. After this contract, only your family stays. You should never put a member or anyone above them. That's not right," he said.

Mingyu smiled calmly. "Then, how do you put your priority level, I wonder?" asked him.

"Well...first, my mother and my family, of course," Minghao frowned. "Second in line is the twelve of you. You guys are my second family."

"And?"

"Well, our friends and fans can go to the third–"

Kim Mingyu shook his head abruptly. "No, wrong answer," he pushed his finger onto Minghao's lips, silencing the boy. "And also, wrong numbering. You're wrong."

He frowned even deeper. "What do you mean–"

"First and foremost, there is _you_."

An instant quietness.

" _You_ should go to the top of your priority list. _You yourself_. Don't forget that _you_ matter the most to _yourself_ , not anyone else."

"But I–"

"You're fading," Mingyu cupped his cheek with his big palm. "Your light is fading. It _hurts_ me. I'm your sunflower. If you're fading, then I will too."

"That doesn't make sense," Minghao clicked his tongue.

"Love never makes sense."

Small, silent gasp, poured out of Minghao's mouth, only to be followed by a long, awkward laughter.

"What're you even saying...," Minghao giggled weakly, until it diminished into a desperate, brooding whine. "....I miss my home...I miss _them_ , I miss _her_ , I miss...I miss _everything_..."

Mingyu hugged him again.

"I miss them, Gyu–"

"I know."

His hug tightened around this shivering, crying, beautiful soul.

"I miss–"

Then, none came out after, but pitiful sobbing. Kim Mingyu closed his eyes.

"I know..."

If only he could take all of Minghao's pain and bear it within him. But such thing was impossible. So, he could only hug him, praying that this hug was warm enough to melt all the tears away.

Until then, until, one day, Minghao could light up again with his beautiful smile.

He would always hug him close to his heart.

_Until then_.

* * *

_If teardrops could be bottled,_  
_there'd be swimming pools filled by models._

_Tell the mirror what you know she's heard before._

_I don't wanna be you anymore._

* * *


End file.
